Survival At the Cost of Happiness

What would you do for your happiness?
When one is asked this question the general and typically answer is that they would do what they believe will make them happy.

Do you want to survive? Typical answer is yes, I want to survive.
What would you do for your survival? Typically answer is - anything to survive

So, what if your survival was at the expense of your happiness?

Ideally
Ideally, and commonly when people are faced with questions about living and happiness, they would answer that they would want to live happily. Their answer may also be somewhere on the lines of there's "no point to living if one is not happy/ miserable. However, there are some that would say that things change and that they will be happy.

Realistically though, I believe that when it comes down to it - we are hard wired to survive. Partially because I also believe that happiness is a state of mind. We may not be happy for a period of time for however long it may be... but to die or simply to not survive/living is a permanent end.


Just something to think about - since life is full of different colors and shades of colors and shades of those colors.


The Social Nerd

Technology's Influence on our Interpersonal Relationship

I'm a big fan of technology, but is it just me that notices that technology has led the sacrifice of real conversation?  It seems to also be affecting how relationships develop and I mean it in a rather negative way.

I know that technology has its advantages such as keeping in touch is easier, communication is faster, higher quality, and the immediacy of it is amazing compared to about 10-15 years ago. Especially with social media nowadays, connecting with people miles away is much easier to do.

People are now constantly on their phones even when they are with people. They feel the need to fiddle with their inanimate piece of hardware. Does it bother you guys/gals when you're with a few of your close friends and you're talking and they suddenly crank out their device?

It seems like they just do that out of habit or it has become a "something to do" and to get away from the awkwardness or something. Unfortunately, people don't seem to realize that by whipping out their device it's like saying "I'm here, but I want to be there...[talking to someone else]". Technological habit destroys the quality of a relationship. I know that throughout history society has changed its way of communication, but it is coming at the expense of a quality relationship. The lack of quality time spent together weakens a bond, creating shallow relationships.
 I understand and am fully aware that technology provides the time for us to compose ourselves in "writing" e.g. texting, chatting, etc and that we can edit and modify it. It's also not an immediate type of conversation - a response is not expected whereas in real-time communication we need to be on our feet - which requires 2 challenges  1.listening and 2.thinking.

Maybe it's just me -  but the side effects of technological advancements seems to hurt people in ways they don't even realize.

With technology that facilitates our activities making it faster - and these electronic devices that save time...then why is it that we don't have more time? but rather we seem to having LESS AND LESS time?

People don't seem to be using technology responsible - lack of tact.

Today's society is depressingly shallow.

-The social Nerd over and out! 

Life As A Sitcom

I have been watching The Big Bang Theory and really enjoy the sitcom. I would describe it as a super-nerdy, yet hilarious comedy show.

It got me a thinking..(hah what a surprise) about how life is actually quite similar to a sitcom.
So in The Big Bang Theory we have these super-nerds, they are all physicists and all have PhDs with the exception of one Howard and Penny.

What this sitcom tells us
1.Intelligence does not equate to wisdom and that being smart has its weaknesses and flaws.

2.Our society tends to value intelligence, cleverness, and wittiness, but in this show we see that those traits are not as desirable and that sometimes it is better to be the simple minded, average person.

3. We don't find the hypocrisy or cleverness in ourselves, but as an audience we quickly pick up on hypocrisy of the characters, their intelligence, and cleverness.

4. This reflects that we don't usually see our own faults but that others around us (the audience) can, because they are not part of the picture, or in this case not part of the show.

5. Despite Sheldon's social awkwardness, he is actually quite naturally clever in his remarks and actions - of course it is usually unintentionally.

It doesn't matter how intelligent you are, you are still human.
Unfortunately, most people take life a tad too seriously that they can't seem to enjoy their life and realize that it is just a big comedy, one episode after another. There needs to be some a variety of personalities among those we socialize with to expand our understanding of the world.

"Be The Leaf"

-The Social Nerd

Dropping the "L" Word

Love is not complicated, people make it complicated. Actually, people make several events, situations, and etc complicated for themselves.

A few events that seem to coincide kind of nicely in such close proximity (time-wise) that I couldn't help but take it as an indication that the universe wants me to think about it, and analyze it for my own personal growth.

The 3 Coincidences
1. The Friend
A couple of weeks ago a friend of mine telling me how her now ex-boyfriend told her he loves her and wanted her to say it to him too. She told me that she didn't say it because she didn't feel that way. I'm glad she didn't say what she didn't feel. That was roughly 5-6 weeks ago.


2. The Fiction Story
Recently, I read a piece of fiction about a relatively new couple that officially started their relationship. Both persons in the relationship were relatively mature despite their age. Nonetheless, they are still young and new in their relationship. The relationship prior to being official and open ...the boy shows clear indication of deep love for his soon-to-be girlfriend. The girl's love for him on the other hand was rather "ambiguous" compared to her boyfriend, that's not to say that she didn't love him. Anyway, he dropped the "L" word on her... and in the story, the author described her reaction as stunned, surprised, but also tremendously happy to know and hear him tell her that. Unfortunately, she didn't say it back, because of personal scars of losing loved ones that she wants to spare herself. So although, the story was not focused solely around that - it was definitely a glaring issue. The boyfriend was hurt at her lack of response, which manifested itself in confusion and obsession over her not saying it back to him; ultimately, he created further complications and strain on their relationship.

3. The Big Bang Theory.
Coincidentally (or not), I decided to catch up on watching The Big Bang Theory (a super-nerdy hilarious sitcom). Watching Big Bang Theory actually overlapped with day I read the fiction story - either on the same day or a few days apart, 3 days at most, definitely within the same week. There is this one couple in the show, Leonard and Penny that are dating. And in that one episode Leonard drops the "L" word on Penny. Penny's reaction was also one of shock, and she said "Thank you" to Leonard and... Leonard is obviously disappointed and hurt, so they both pretend like nothing happened and said good night to each other. Leonard is clearly distraught throughout the episode and make snarky remarks when talking to her that hints at the event when he proclaimed his love for her and her inability to say it back to him.

So these events happened close enough (especially the later 2) that I couldn't help but start to think about it. To be clear, in all 3 cases one person from the relationship dropped the "L" word and the other person couldn't say it back, but for various different reasons in each scenario. That was the main issue that created conflict. It just so happens that in each scenario, they were males.

Isn't "Love" just a word? A word to describe how we feel towards another? And if it's just a word to describe how we feel towards another then how we feel is how we feel and that is independent of how the other person feel towards us.
"I Love You" is not, and should not be contingent upon "I Love You Too" or the like. I can understand that it is probably very discouraging and painful when the other person that you have strong affections for not tell you that they also feel strongly about you.

I asked myself, what is the connection between the deal of saying "I love you" and "I love you too", (ironically...this whole not saying "love" thing is what causes conflicts and sometimes breaks up a relationship) Why do we feel that we are, in a sense entitled to having our partner say the same thing to us? What does my love for you and me saying  "I love you" have anything to do with you responding "I love you too"?

From my observation and deductive reasoning, I came to conclude that there is little to no connection - besides that the other person, to some extent like you. But that still doesn't answer why we feel so distraught when our partner doesn't say it back to us. Despite that there is no connection - our desire for our partner to say is *NOT* irrational.

I reasoned that we often mistake and confuse ourselves with our own growing affection and love for another as an indication of the relationship itself as growing and we equate that with how much our partner must feel towards us.

When we *expect* events to go a certain way, people to act or say certain things, we're setting ourselves up for some suffering. In all three instances, the boyfriend that wanted and became obsessive over his loved one to utter similar words actually either created a complications or further strain on the relationship.

Creating Our Own Demise.
In all 3 events, our desire (probably a manifestation of our fear and insecurity) generated problems for ourselves. We are making it difficult for ourselves.

Love is just a word, it's what we attach to the word that matters.

-The Social Nerd

Colors of Life is a Continuum

Life is full of Color

However, since a young age we were taught about right, wrong, good, bad, yes, no, evil, and well..good again. These overly-simplified teachings were meant to help guide us in making  decisions for ourselves. Evidently as we grew and matured we learned that life is not cut and dry and that life is very complex. We learn that life is not black and white, it is not just good or bad, right or wrong, or even a yes or no. But rather life is colorful, complex, has a continuum that colors go from one to the next, even black and white have shades going from black to white or white to black. Although life becomes more complex and situations become more sophisticated, that is what makes life colorful and beautiful. We also learn that without the bad guys, there wouldn't be any good guys.

The Hero In Each Story
Without a villain there would be no hero, or the need for a hero means that there is villain (note- the villain and hero I refer to may not always be in the form of a human) the need for "good" people means that there needs to have "bad" people. Not only were we only taught the simplified extremes, as a matter of fact we were told who the mean/bad guys and over time we learned to identify them in movies and stores. But because we were often taught the extremes of our lives and rarely ever the shades of colors, we find it difficult  polarize the colors - difficult to polarize our emotions, judgement, and reason. We were never taught how to identify, filter out, and separate the colors in our hearts from our brains.

Furthermore, not only were we not taught how to identify, and filter out our emotions, but also our own reasoning. And the reason for that is that like everyone else in this world we don't know how to explain nor teach that kind of concept and how to apply the technique, plus many of us (adults) are still learning and for some have never even gotten close.

Ever heard an adult tell you, "You'll understand when you get older"? That is what I often hear adults say when they find it either difficult to explain a concept or knowing how to express them in simplified form.
We were never taught how to look at life through another lens so it becomes incredibly difficult when we have to do it for ourselves.

The frequency that such situations occur in my micro-society is frequent enough that I've learned a lot from it from a young age. The intensity of these situations has range from weak to strong to ultra intense. Thus, it has refined and sharpen my skills in this area, but of course there is still so much to learn, because each conflict presents itself slightly differently.

1st. filter out between emotions and reason/judgement
2nd. filter out your own reason -Is it rational? Is the point you're trying to make sound? Is it relevant? Are there any fallacies?
3rd - filter out your own emotions - How do you feel? Why do you feel this way? Did I overreact? Did I react appropriately?

We are sometimes our own worst enemis


Colorize your thinking questions!
Do bad decisions make a bad person?
Is the best option always the right thing to do?
Is the "right" thing to do always the best option?

"The very thing that gives you pleasure today, will bring you pain tomorrow."

The Social Nerd

Living With Purpose Or Living In Fear?

How differently would we live if we knew the exact date, time, and how we would die?
Would we start to live with [more] purpose?
Be more daring and less fearful?
Or would we [continue] living in fear with the knowledge of our death haunting us or mortal fears?
Or would we live trying to alter a predetermined fate?
It is because we don't know how, when, and where we will die that we forget we are mortals, subjected to a universal, inevitable end fate..called "death"...
Remembering that we will all die at some point is a great motivator to push us to not just to exist, but to live.

-The Social Nerd

We are always getting ready to live, but never living

Yeah, I read the title from Lifehacker too. It makes me wonder if I've fallen victim to this ...conjecture?
I'm putting my own perspective to it.

Somewhat ridiculous...but it seems that people don't know what to do with their life, but rather what not to do with their life. Very few people actually know what they want to make of themselves. I have asked a few of my friends, younger, and a few years older and they seem to give me very similar answers. I have a few that have told me they don't know, others tell me their plans and goals of what they want to do, not necessarily what they want from their life. We all want something from our life, unfortunately we don't know what that something is, and often times we get so caught up with life that we stop searching for it.

I'm no statistician...
I don't have any numbers, evidence, or data to back up my claim...statistics...is simply another form of illusion for man to reassure himself that what he believes is "logical", by backing it up with numerous numerical data. I observe people, social interactions, document my thoughts, my "findings" if you will, on society and its overall pattern. Yeah, I'm aware that my observations have its limitations in that it is full of biases. I don't think I ever really recall anyone that when asked what they want from their life that they could give me a confident, definitive answer. Perhaps they are too afraid to admit that they have no flipping clue what they want to do.


Throw Me A Lemon....Because I Need Something To Do...
People that don't know what they want to do with their life end up settling, more or less, for whatever life throws at them. This is not saying that these people do not have any dreams, goals, or ambitions of their own, but rather on their journey to reach these goals they get swept by other unexpected minor journeys that often times overshadow their original objective. In other words, we lose sight of our original purpose for
treading a particular path. The light at the end of the tunnel needs to be in sight, be conscious to make decisions so that it takes you step closer towards that light.

From Business Trip to Pleasure Trip....to Tangent Trip
So you initially have a business trip that you need to take. Of course when you take this business trip you also meet new people, see new faces, explore new places, and perhaps encounter a different set of social norms. You are someone full of ambitions, career goals, potential to further improve yourself. hat you didn't expect was that you would meet someone during this business trip of yours and the two of you exchanged contact information. Well, one thing leads to another  and before you know it the two of you are in constant communication. Now eventually, you two dated and then married. Ok, so that was unexpected, but love happens? Love finds you in the most unexpected places, so that tangent is semi-acceptable. However, once you are married and settle down, it becomes more difficult to fulfill one's original goals and purpose. I originally thought about this because of the film "The Other Man" starring Liam Neeson and Antonio Banderas.

I gave this quick and simplified example to show that often times we don't know what we want from life and thus often times just let tangents happen to us and we forget about our initially purpose.

Sources
http://lifehacker.com/5878626/we-are-always-getting-ready-to-live-but-never-living

"I intend to live forever, or die trying"

-The Social Nerd