Love is not complicated, people make it complicated. Actually, people make several events, situations, and etc complicated for themselves.
A few events that seem to coincide kind of nicely in such close proximity (time-wise) that I couldn't help but take it as an indication that the universe wants me to think about it, and analyze it for my own personal growth.
The 3 Coincidences
1. The Friend
A couple of weeks ago a friend of mine telling me how her now ex-boyfriend told her he loves her and wanted her to say it to him too. She told me that she didn't say it because she didn't feel that way. I'm glad she didn't say what she didn't feel. That was roughly 5-6 weeks ago.
2. The Fiction Story
Recently, I read a piece of fiction about a relatively new couple that officially started their relationship. Both persons in the relationship were relatively mature despite their age. Nonetheless, they are still young and new in their relationship. The relationship prior to being official and open ...the boy shows clear indication of deep love for his soon-to-be girlfriend. The girl's love for him on the other hand was rather "ambiguous" compared to her boyfriend, that's not to say that she didn't love him. Anyway, he dropped the "L" word on her... and in the story, the author described her reaction as stunned, surprised, but also tremendously happy to know and hear him tell her that. Unfortunately, she didn't say it back, because of personal scars of losing loved ones that she wants to spare herself. So although, the story was not focused solely around that - it was definitely a glaring issue. The boyfriend was hurt at her lack of response, which manifested itself in confusion and obsession over her not saying it back to him; ultimately, he created further complications and strain on their relationship.
3. The Big Bang Theory.
Coincidentally (or not), I decided to catch up on watching The Big Bang Theory (a super-nerdy hilarious sitcom). Watching Big Bang Theory actually overlapped with day I read the fiction story - either on the same day or a few days apart, 3 days at most, definitely within the same week. There is this one couple in the show, Leonard and Penny that are dating. And in that one episode Leonard drops the "L" word on Penny. Penny's reaction was also one of shock, and she said "Thank you" to Leonard and... Leonard is obviously disappointed and hurt, so they both pretend like nothing happened and said good night to each other. Leonard is clearly distraught throughout the episode and make snarky remarks when talking to her that hints at the event when he proclaimed his love for her and her inability to say it back to him.
So these events happened close enough (especially the later 2) that I couldn't help but start to think about it. To be clear, in all 3 cases one person from the relationship dropped the "L" word and the other person couldn't say it back, but for various different reasons in each scenario. That was the main issue that created conflict. It just so happens that in each scenario, they were males.
Isn't "Love" just a word? A word to describe how we feel towards another? And if it's just a word to describe how we feel towards another then how we feel is how we feel and that is independent of how the other person feel towards us.
"I Love You" is not, and should not be contingent upon "I Love You Too" or the like. I can understand that it is probably very discouraging and painful when the other person that you have strong affections for not tell you that they also feel strongly about you.
I asked myself, what is the connection between the deal of saying "I love you" and "I love you too", (ironically...this whole not saying "love" thing is what causes conflicts and sometimes breaks up a relationship) Why do we feel that we are, in a sense entitled to having our partner say the same thing to us? What does my love for you and me saying "I love you" have anything to do with you responding "I love you too"?
From my observation and deductive reasoning, I came to conclude that there is little to no connection - besides that the other person, to some extent like you. But that still doesn't answer why we feel so distraught when our partner doesn't say it back to us. Despite that there is no connection - our desire for our partner to say is *NOT* irrational.
I reasoned that we often mistake and confuse ourselves with our own growing affection and love for another as an indication of the relationship itself as growing and we equate that with how much our partner must feel towards us.
When we *expect* events to go a certain way, people to act or say certain things, we're setting ourselves up for some suffering. In all three instances, the boyfriend that wanted and became obsessive over his loved one to utter similar words actually either created a complications or further strain on the relationship.
Creating Our Own Demise.
In all 3 events, our desire (probably a manifestation of our fear and insecurity) generated problems for ourselves. We are making it difficult for ourselves.
Love is just a word, it's what we attach to the word that matters.
-The Social Nerd
A few events that seem to coincide kind of nicely in such close proximity (time-wise) that I couldn't help but take it as an indication that the universe wants me to think about it, and analyze it for my own personal growth.
The 3 Coincidences
1. The Friend
A couple of weeks ago a friend of mine telling me how her now ex-boyfriend told her he loves her and wanted her to say it to him too. She told me that she didn't say it because she didn't feel that way. I'm glad she didn't say what she didn't feel. That was roughly 5-6 weeks ago.
2. The Fiction Story
Recently, I read a piece of fiction about a relatively new couple that officially started their relationship. Both persons in the relationship were relatively mature despite their age. Nonetheless, they are still young and new in their relationship. The relationship prior to being official and open ...the boy shows clear indication of deep love for his soon-to-be girlfriend. The girl's love for him on the other hand was rather "ambiguous" compared to her boyfriend, that's not to say that she didn't love him. Anyway, he dropped the "L" word on her... and in the story, the author described her reaction as stunned, surprised, but also tremendously happy to know and hear him tell her that. Unfortunately, she didn't say it back, because of personal scars of losing loved ones that she wants to spare herself. So although, the story was not focused solely around that - it was definitely a glaring issue. The boyfriend was hurt at her lack of response, which manifested itself in confusion and obsession over her not saying it back to him; ultimately, he created further complications and strain on their relationship.
3. The Big Bang Theory.
Coincidentally (or not), I decided to catch up on watching The Big Bang Theory (a super-nerdy hilarious sitcom). Watching Big Bang Theory actually overlapped with day I read the fiction story - either on the same day or a few days apart, 3 days at most, definitely within the same week. There is this one couple in the show, Leonard and Penny that are dating. And in that one episode Leonard drops the "L" word on Penny. Penny's reaction was also one of shock, and she said "Thank you" to Leonard and... Leonard is obviously disappointed and hurt, so they both pretend like nothing happened and said good night to each other. Leonard is clearly distraught throughout the episode and make snarky remarks when talking to her that hints at the event when he proclaimed his love for her and her inability to say it back to him.
So these events happened close enough (especially the later 2) that I couldn't help but start to think about it. To be clear, in all 3 cases one person from the relationship dropped the "L" word and the other person couldn't say it back, but for various different reasons in each scenario. That was the main issue that created conflict. It just so happens that in each scenario, they were males.
Isn't "Love" just a word? A word to describe how we feel towards another? And if it's just a word to describe how we feel towards another then how we feel is how we feel and that is independent of how the other person feel towards us.
"I Love You" is not, and should not be contingent upon "I Love You Too" or the like. I can understand that it is probably very discouraging and painful when the other person that you have strong affections for not tell you that they also feel strongly about you.
I asked myself, what is the connection between the deal of saying "I love you" and "I love you too", (ironically...this whole not saying "love" thing is what causes conflicts and sometimes breaks up a relationship) Why do we feel that we are, in a sense entitled to having our partner say the same thing to us? What does my love for you and me saying "I love you" have anything to do with you responding "I love you too"?
From my observation and deductive reasoning, I came to conclude that there is little to no connection - besides that the other person, to some extent like you. But that still doesn't answer why we feel so distraught when our partner doesn't say it back to us. Despite that there is no connection - our desire for our partner to say is *NOT* irrational.
I reasoned that we often mistake and confuse ourselves with our own growing affection and love for another as an indication of the relationship itself as growing and we equate that with how much our partner must feel towards us.
When we *expect* events to go a certain way, people to act or say certain things, we're setting ourselves up for some suffering. In all three instances, the boyfriend that wanted and became obsessive over his loved one to utter similar words actually either created a complications or further strain on the relationship.
Creating Our Own Demise.
In all 3 events, our desire (probably a manifestation of our fear and insecurity) generated problems for ourselves. We are making it difficult for ourselves.
Love is just a word, it's what we attach to the word that matters.
-The Social Nerd
